YEA!!!

something clicked... i am me again and glad to be so!

insane in the membrane

control what you can and deal with everything else... problem is I don't feel like I can control anything...


going insane

HELP ME!!!

Bad to the bone

clues to know when your in a bad mood:
when you are angry at someone but you cant decide who
you want to be creative but your mind doesnt want to be
you want to do something but you dont know what
you wan to go back to bed and start over but again your mind says no
your sad but dont know why
you arent angry with yourself when you probably should be
when you want to scream but dont have the guts


someone help!

my person

I have decided that in order to be functional you must be honest with three people. First you must be honest with yourself. Second, your savior, whomever it may be. Third, your person, you must pick one person not alredy mentioned to be honest with. My problem is that my person isn't consistant. I change my person every time I feel the need to be honest.

wanted.

I find my self surrounded by all the guys I like. From the one I sit by in second hour, to the one I sit by in third, to the one who is in my fifth hour, to the one who I met in sixth grade and moved away in eighth, to the one I met in first grade and moved away in third, but mmostly I constantly find myself surrounded by the thought of all of them put together in one perfect guy who wants me back.

Goop.

Watch me learn to love, watch me learn to find better friends then the one you've been to me, watch me be happy, and I'll watch you throw your life away. I will want to laugh, but I wont because I will know that I was so close to that some life. I could have followed your lead and ended up where you will but instead I found my own way. I learned to love, I learned to find better friends than you, and I learned to be happy even when I was alone. I want to be your friend but I have to be selfish and not. I need to think about myself and what will help me in the long run. I have better friends who don't lie, who don't keep secrets from me, and friends who know when I need them and when I don't. I needed you and you weren't there and when I don't want any one around you were always there trying to be the friend that people told you should be. I am sick of it but I wont tell you that. I will show you. I am swiss, I am quiet, I am easy going, I am changing, and I am letting you go.


this is mental goop flowing out like I have so much to say when all I really want to say is that I am changing from a bitch to a friend. Unfortunatly for you you wont be one of the friends.

Good.

I am imperfect but I guess you already knew that. I can tell by the way you twitch everytime I gossip or the way you sigh when I complain about nothing. I have so much to give but in the world we live in the bad is all we seem to see and sometimes when we look at the bad we only see the basic bad stuff not the real things that are going on. We look at africa and say what a mess when we should be saying get me the hell over there to help. Not that we can do anything to help people we don't know anything about so maybe we should learn a little something about the Africans before we go over and attempt to fix the problems they have been trying to fix for years. I guess I said all this to prove to you that I'm not the only one at fault in this game. You look at me and see the bad and try to fix it without knowing why the bad is there, you miss the good that is there too. I am good, and I am imperfect. Seem contradictory? if so, get your eyes checked because those two words go hand in hand in all people.


not sure what I want but from where I'm standing summer is almost here and that is sure to help.

???

So i scream and think no one can hear me but the truth is they hear it but only at a whisper because though I want to scream my mond says yes but do it quietly. The real problem is when someone finally shuts up enough to hear me scream at a whisper and ask why I was screaming I say that I am okay. I am not okay but I cant tel you because I don't want to be that girl who needs someone. I want to be the girl who is the someone for everyone else.


From where I'm standing I am confused and alone... by choice.

silence in a scream

I have decided that no one can hear me screaming because though I am screaming no sound is being made. I suffer in silence wow who would have thought that about me. Not sure what else to say mostly because I have a huge paper due tomorrow and I haven't started...

from where I'm standing its going to be a long night...

hmmmmmm...

Its like my eyes fixate on him and I am screaming out his name but all he hears is me saying hi! sick of being the girl who has never had a guy... sick of being that girl who wants things but doesn't make it happen... scared to be that girl who gets it... learning to be me one step at a time...


not sure but I think I'm growing

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Feeling like no one can hear me screaming...

An Easy Step.

Your sick of trying? yet you try just one more time in case that time was the time you were meant to succeed. I am sick of trying to be happy. Sadly, for me being happy doesn't come natural. Everytime you see me with a smile it was worked for. I have to remind myself to be happy. I have to check myself to make sure I'm not making other people sad becuase I am. I have no reason to be sad. My life is great which makes me even more sad because I have no reason to in the first place. I am sick and tired of trying. I would like to have to have this next line be something like "So, I'm going to fix it all with one easy step." unfortunatly this is reality and nothing is fixed with one easy step.

I guess all I can say is that I am going to somewhat model my life after this song:

Tears are forming in your eyes,a storm is warning in the skies,the end of the world it seems,you bend down and you fall on your knees,well get back on your feet ,yeah,don't look away, don't run away,baby it's only life,don't lose your faith,don't run away,it's only life.you were always playing hard,never could let down your guard,you can't win, if you never give in,to that voice within, saying pick up your chin, baby let go of it , yeah,don't look away, don't run away , baby, it's only life.don't lose your faith, don't run away,baby it's only life.(repeat)take your hesitance, and your self defense,leave them behind, it's only life,don't be so afraid of facing every day, just take your time, it's only life,i'll be your stepping stone, don't be so alone, just hold on tight,it's only life,oh..don't look away, don't run away,baby it's only life,don't lose your faith, don't run away, baby, it's only life (repeat),it's only life, it's only life,don't look away...


"It's Only Life" by Kate Voegele


From where I'm standing it's only life.

Hell.

New name for a new novel I'm writing: Hell in a Chapel. it is inspired by a story I heard from a Lady whom I did some yard work for today. Her husband was in brain surgery at a catholic hospital and she was down at the chapel and she described the was nurses and doctors would come in and tell all these people who were praying that their loved ones hadn't made it. THen she said "Talk about hell" I had never heard of a chapel being described as hell so it stuck out and now I am going to write a book "inspired" by it... when I say inspired it means thats not what my story is going to be about.

-Goodnight

Her.

I am trying to be "That" girl. The one that knows what to say to make people understand. The one who says what is on her mind and people listen. The one who isn't me. I want to be her.

From where I'm standing I am utterly confused.

SINNER!!!

Forgive me father for sinned. I was a bitch. I hurt someone that I never wanted to. I admit it was for somewhat selfish reasons, but thats ok. I sinned to help someone, or so I thought, but sadly I did not succeed.

I have attempted to erase the past, but like all the other times I have tried I have failed. Do you think that I believe I am perfect. If so you are wrong. I am an imperfect person who is good at accepting her own mistakes. I know I can't be perfect but that doesn't stop me from trying. I don't do these things to show people how they can be better or more like me I do this so my life is easier (selfish I know) even if the cost of it is someone elses pain. I have made a mistake. I am an imperfect person. I am Lindsey and from where I'm standing mistakes have been made and I am bound to make many more.


(Warning: title is somewhat an inside joke, sorry!)

In Constant Prayer.

This crazy world we live in is falling apart and I am scared to admit that I can't save it. I am scared you won't help me do it. Please, let me know how its supposed to end. Until you know, I'm talking to you and I'll pray that you find out how its supposed to go soon.

Forget!

Forget who you are
Forget who you've been
All I need is this moment
I forgot who I was and it helped for a while
It made me remember the person I had planned on
So, forget who you've been and
Forget who you are

even in this moment
as pure as it is
you remember the past
you remember my past
So I'm forced to remember too
I stand alone in the future
I'm not absent in the past as long as this is true
I forgive you for remebering
But, I cant forgive you for forgeting me telling you to forget
Because that happened in the verse above
life seems short but then isn't everything short these days.




(not sure what this is but it just came out)