Only Fooling Myself

From where I'm standing I feel like I'm in a dinosaur movie. You know the one where all the slow dinosaurs get left behind because well they are slow but the one dinosaur who comes back to get them is the only one who is from somewhere else. He helps them and they end up better off then the rest of the pack because they find water, get to the "promise land" before anyone else (because they find a new way instead of going the way that they used to go which is now blocked off), and then that one dinosaur goes back to tell the others and helps them escape from the T-Rex. Yea so I've seen this movie a couple times. I feel like I am one of the dinosaurs that has been left behind because I'm different. I feel like I'm back here waiting to see one person step out of the group and come back and save me.

I like to pretend that
One day I’ll turn around - I’ll see your hand reach out
I’m only fooling myself, oh, - But maybe when you smile
It means you’d stay awhile - Just maybe you’d save me now
"Only Fooling Myself"
-Kate Voegele



I feel like everyone around me is selfish and acts completely on impulse. Am I the only one who thinks about what she's doing? Am I the only one who cares about others? I am starting to give up on caring for others because I see no point. I rarly help anyone and usually if I help one person it makes someone else suffer and should it really be my choice to make someone suffer? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction... So I make the first action by helping and the equal and opposite reaction is my fault. It doesn't seem fair.


On one side I want readers and on the other I want this to be a secret from the world I live in. I can't decide whether to tell anyone about this... Things look crazy and messed up from where I'm standing...