Angst!

I feel like I'm a character on Cheers...It's like your in a place where everyone knows your name but instead of having a good time you realize everyone knows your name but doesn't want you there.

I wanted so badly to walk up to them and tell them that I needed a shoulder to cry on. But I was so scared that either they would say no or they would ask why and I would have to tell them it was because of them. I feel selfish and dramatic, but in my head all of this is happening...

It's like when you have a dream and one of your friends does something mean so you wake up and are mad at them, but in my case it wasn't a dream but it was a reality that they didn't realize was going on.

I was there just sitting realizing that none of them were my friends anymore and I hadn't even realized it until now because I had to call them... Four of my best friends were there and none of them called me. None of them asked what I was doing, nothing. I had to text one of them. If I had texted any other one of them they would have either not answered, lied, or said that I should come. I didn't want to do any of those things. I wanted to stay at home knowing I was invited but saying no. I wanted to hurt them I wanted them to know how I felt. I wanted so badly to break down crying, have them ask why, and then tell them its because they were all bitches. The problem with that plan is that they would think I was over reacting (which i probably am) but at the same time I wasn't because the point was to show them how I feel and that is exactly how I feel. I want to be that angry kid who hates the world, but I can't. My parents always told me to be nice to everyone even if you don't like them. I wish I was a meaner person! I wanted to tell them to read my blog and they would know how they have made me feel, but I honestly don't think this would do my feelings justice. I am so much more angry not only at them but at my self for being able to be hurt like that. I have always kept my feelings inside and as soon as I feel comfortable enough to be a true friend I have been replaced by a feeling sharing bitch. It's not just that she is a bitch its that she pretends she isn't and everyone excepts that.

I think being replaced hurts more than just being kicked out. Its kind of like they are saying someone is better than you. I am sick and tired of being nice!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

angst!

From where I'm standing I'm done.